The Honourable Minister for Training, Colleges, and Universities
The provincial government announced today an innovative new plan to replace the Minister of Training, Colleges, and Universities with a MOOC, or “Massively Open Online Course.”
“We want to show to our universities and colleges that we here at Queen’s Park are really leading the way,” said Brad Duguid, the outgoing Minister in that portfolio. “This is all about finding efficiencies, cutting costs, and streamlining. And, um, of course, about using new technologies to boldly go where no democracy has gone before.”
Some critics have questioned whether the new Minister for MTCU is really robust enough for the rough-and-tumble of Question Period in the legislature, and have wondered aloud how well it will respond to bellicose and insistent opposition members. “Well, this MOOC includes state-of-the-art assessment software,” explains Frank Drake, ITS support person for the ministry. “It employs multiple choice questions and an auto-grading routine. The best thing is that the correct answer is always the same: ‘This innovative cutting-edge technology will help taxpayers re-engage with our educational system.’ Quantitative studies show that you only need to hit people over the head with the same answer a few dozen times before they learn the right answer. We’re predicting enormously improved scores with this platform.”
Carefully designed multiple-choice questions guide constituents and opposition members.
Clem Shirty, Innovation Consultant to the government, is even more excited about the potential benefits to be accrued from this new system. “This brings disruptive innovation right to the place that needs it most: our democratic system. Before, members of the general public were completely cut off from their government and its ministers. Now, anyone with an internet connection or mobile technology can connect in seconds to their Minister of Training, Colleges, and Universities. The interface is slick and fun to use: it really gamifies democracy in interesting ways. As you become better at reiterating the government’s educational message and programme, you earn badges! And responsive algorithms ensure that that message is really driven home. As a bonus, the system scrapes and stores the IP addresses of citizens who obstinately refuse to get on message.”
While some have suggested that the high drop-out rates in most MOOCs — as high as 95% or more in many online offerings — will render this approach to governance and policy-making abortive, others have noted that the more opposition MPPs, members of the media, and citizens drop out of the political process, the better it will be for all concerned. “We’re always looking for ways to make the system more cost-effective and efficient, and responding to electors and their representatives all the time — well, that can get quite expensive. I think we’ll see some real financial benefits from this new system,” says Duguid. “And the parliamentary pages we’ll have administering the MOOC are interns, and even cheaper than grad students and adjunct faculty! Meanwhile, they’ll be learning precisely the sorts of technical skills required of our next generation of both citizens, and leaders. It’s a win-win situation!”
The former minister reveals that he is seeking a position lecturing on political science, economics, or law now that he is no longer required at Queen’s Park, but is having a difficult time finding a teaching vacancy at any post-secondary institutions in Ontario.
